No One Will Ever Hurt Me Like That Ever Again.

When I was 11, my mom died-- suddenly. She was the victim in a hit-and-run accident while jogging early in the morning. My Dad continued to raise my brother and me and I'm so thankful for the both of them. I didn't realize, however, the extent of the damage that was being done inside of me. Unknowingly, I put up a wall to protect myself from ever feeling that kind of hurt ever again, which protected me-- for a time. Eventually, that wall became a prison that would hold me back from experiencing love from others and from God.

Here's how it works: we experience a trauma and something jolts inside of us to prevent us from cracking (like a surge protector). I went to counseling a few years ago and that started the process of peeling back the layers of hurt. Like the train tracks in this picture, I shut something off decades ago (I broke the track) so I wouldn't ever hurt like that again. But then, over the years, like an obstruction in the body; I started to wither away. I'd cover it up the pain and depression by putting on a "mask" and charm my way through. I came to rely on that skill, and it served me well. No one would ever suspect that I was hurting underneath...until God confronted me on it.

In His way, He removed the facades and placed me in a spot where I had to confront my obstruction; because He knows that will lead me to life. I didn't want to...I told Him that over and over. "Take me back to Egypt" is what I would scream in my head! He said, "No, son...it needs to heal. It's time. Your way isn't working...it's making it worse." So here I am now...partnering with God to mend the train tracks.

I share all of this because 1) I want to be honest before the Lord, and 2) KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

That's why the JSM community exists! Before I joined the JSM team, I was editing Joanna's messages and was deeply impacted and was challenged to become more aware of my needs (physical, emotional, and spiritual). Find out about the monthly cost and all of the resources that are available. Trust me, you won't regret it!