christian coaching, life coaching

How to be a friend: Who do I pick?

As we discussed previously the first step in choosing friends is to be aware of who we are. We need to understand how we come across to people and the type of person that we are. I will expound more on this and why it is important as we move forward. The next step is just as important. Often people lay all their “cards” on the table or none at all when they meet people. “Cards” meaning everything about them. Some people reveal every detail of their lives in the beginning and end up hurt when the person tramples over it. 

Some people open up about nothing and are a sealed box. These type of people share nothing not even what they had for lunch or their favorite color. The mystery can be frightening for some, other’s doubt the sealed box and their humanity. 

We often wonder how much should I share when I meet new potential friends and who do I share it with? 

My answer is first trust your intuition. I only say this as long as you have not tweaked your intuition so much that you are paranoid about everyone. Staying in this place of being paranoid is unhealthy and creates an atmosphere of fear. Not trusting your intuition is also dangerous. Not trusting intuition is a place where people often go wrong. I hear countless stories of people who ignore small warning signs about other people and end up hurt. We can be kind and guarded until we know it is safe or we decide it is not safe. If they are an unsafe person then we stick to talking about the weather and surface talk.

I personally believe that there is a spiritual side to life that is why intuition is important. Yes, we all have faults and struggles. But some people are growing and aware of where they need to grow. Some people are in complete denial of areas they need to grow in and they have no intention of growing in life. Those that choose to remain stuck are people that should remain at arms length or sometimes encounters need to be very limited. We can still be kind but have the warning siren in our head going off. It is okay to be guarded and to be wise. 

It is almost like making a mental list of what to be aware of. Mental notes such as the person tells lots of white lies, the person is unaware of their impatience, the person has no regard for what I say or the person just gives off a strange vibe. Obviously this list is not exhaustive but it gives you an idea of things to note. It is wise to take note. When we take note we are less likely to be shocked or hurt later when they fulfill who they are. 

Being a friend is accepting a person exactly as they are with both eyes open. If you constantly have to keep one proverbial eye closed then maybe it is best to remain acquaintances. Allow the person to be who they are and not make it your goal to change them. Trying to change people turns into control and not friendship. Blessings!