Parenting has more to do with the heart of the parent. I know that sounds odd because most people talk about how to get children to behave or follow directions. You never really hear about the importance of the heart of the parent but it is true, parenting starts with the heart of the parent. With clients I like to work on what is their motivation in their parenting. If it is fear driven there will be issues such as the parent is consumed by “what if” scenarios, afraid of the child doing something wrong or just fear in general. This type of parenting creates all sorts of stress and wreaks havoc in the parent’s brain not even to mention what it does to the child (stress, fear and the brain is a great discussion for another day). Fear is not productive in a relationship.
Another common approach in the heart of a parent is control. Controlling parent’s demand from their children right behavior. There is a drive to have to watch their children all the time, with concern that they might make a wrong decision and the belief that children are incapable of making right decisions. This type of an approach often leads to rebellion in the child and the brain does not develop in a wholistic way. Typically the underlying force can still be fear.
Some parents take a total hands off approach, no boundaries or rules are ever established. This approach can leave a child free to learn from whomever walks by. Some parents consider this approach to be effective since they do not want to control their child and want to allow them “freedom”. The down side is the child often has no guidance and does not clearly understand what is needed to live a healthy life.
Tomorrow I will continue with some healthy parenting perspectives. I encourage you to pray and consider what your heart is as a parent. What drives you and the way you parent? Look at your heart and thought life about how and why you parent, even journal a little what comes to mind. Blessings to you as you love on your children today!
If you missed part one check out yesterday’s blog.
Photo Credit: Sarah Stearns